Don't worry, I like your hands
by Moon Bunny
Summary: When things go wrong on the battle field and innocent people die...How do you deal?... A short Haruka Michiru fic, goes before they meet the inners until the begining Japanese Episode 110 (the one where the Talsmains are found. ) R&R!


A/n: This ends at Japanese version 110. It is a rewrite of a fic I wrote years ago. Hope you enjoy!!

Michiru took the aqua towel to her wet hair and dried it as she walked from the bedroom of the apartment into the living room. She looked over at the figure standing tall in the window, motionless. Her blue eyes reflected from the black night back into Michiru's eyes. Still. Cold. Dead.

"Haruka?" She asked faintly, the sound booming in the silent room. The only response Michiru received was the long tender hands on her partner grabbed onto the window molding with all her might, the knuckles going white mere seconds. Her hand almost as ghostly has her eyes. Michiru could see Haruka's body tense under the thin t-shirt she was wearing, her shoulder blades becoming more defined. But her eyes did not blink, she did not waver from the nothingness outside the window.

"Haruka?" Her voice was louder, wavering. She dropped to the towel to the ground, standing shivering in her thin nightgown. She gazed to the back of her, wondering what she could do. This wasn't fair- it wasn't right. How could she make Haruka understand that what happened, that the disaster wasn't her fault? How could she make that gleaming woman come back with a "lets race!" and a wink down Tokyo's busiest streets? Michiru bent down to pick up the crumpled towel as she remembered what happened. There was nothing that could have been done, nothing.

It had been a warm spring day; the golden sunshine and the breeze had drawn her to walk through the park instead of taking the short way home. She was carrying her violin case in one hand, and looking as the sun of dusk filtered through the cherry blossoms and leaves. It was truly beautiful.

She was tense, the waves whispering from afar as they had been constantly for weeks. She wanted a chance just to relax, to breath the air with a tinge of saltwater smell, enjoy the wind caressing her skin and take in the beauty of nature with her eyes. To find some inner peace instead of the ominous cloud that had been covering her life sense she discovered she was a sailor senshi.

Michiru felt a twinge of danger. She scanned around the park quickly and looked for anything that was wrong. Then she heard a piecing scream of a small child and she turned and ran in that direction. Whatever it was, when she arrived on the scene, moved with lighting speed. She scanned her surroundings taking everything in so she could battle. The brick wall of a building, a child with a Heart crystal raised above her chest, the desperate mother gripping her with all her might humming rock-a-baby through her tears, the missing decorative street light that was probably the damion. She forced all thoughts off the victim and stared at the monster in the distance. It was the black streetlight, with arms and hands sticking out of it and a strange humanoid face with piercing red eyes.

It ran towards her, a blur, faster than anything she has encountered so far. She jumped out of its way with a tumble and threw a Deep Submerge. It avoided the turquoise ball of lethal energy, without much effort and grabbed her where she was, grabbing her shoulders and digging in the thin metal spikes she has as nails.Sailor Uranus made her entrance frm behind her. "Let go of her!" It surprised the damion enough that Sailor Neptune tore free from its grip and jumped in the air just as her partner screamed, "World Shaking!"

She had made a miss calculation on the battle field.

Civilians.

The damion and Neptune had been standing exactly in between Sailor Uranus and the small child and mother who were against a tree. As the damion skillfully dodged the attack with awkward swiftness , Uranus saw for the first time the two helpless people huddled agianst the tree. Uranus screamed, trying to will the attack with her mind, will, and her outstreached hand; trying desperately to make the crashing ball of energy dissipate in its fatal tracks. When she screamed the woman looked up, her eyes the color of the golden lethal orb, as she curled her child against her body already racking with tears before it slammed into them. Michiru didn't even know what happened next; everything became a roar of blue, ocean currents around her in an angry torrent. The monster evaporated in seconds. She could hear Uranus's broken sobs from over the two bodies and she screamed. "Wake up! Wake up! Please God Wake up!" 

Neptune ran towards them; the closer she got to the two mangled bodies, the more nauseous she became. She dropped to her knees without trying to break the fall. Her hands becamed covered in blood trying to look for a pulse on the mother. The mothers brown hair had a red tent from her blood, there was just so much of it. She had jagged cuts all over her body, it seemed as if the blood just oozed out of her. No pulse. She looked at her chest trying to will the woman to breathe, to prove that this wasn't as horrific as it was.

Next the child. She lifted the limp arms of the mother and pulled the small body out from under her. She had a young round face streaked with blood. Her eyes were closed, but she could feel the child breathing. "She's alive." She whispered in the air, like it was a miracle that spoken to loud will be ripped from her arms and destroyed. She shook her a little. Haruka had moved away, collapsed into a ball. Her blue eyes opened, wide with fear and pain, as tears fell, and in desperation called out "Mommy?" and above her the shining red heart crystal shattered, the sparkling life changed into a fine grey dust blown away by the wind. Neptune dropped the body, stood up and threw up, tears sliding down her face.

Neptune's white gloves were now a stickky rusty red. The metallic smell of blood filled the air around her, violating her. She'd remember that forever, how the smell overwhelmed her senses. She folded the child's and the mother's arms across their chests and whispered, "Rest in Piece." She rose up trembling and crying, but with a strength. She had to be strong for Haruka now.

Her ears could hear the faint sirens rapidly approaching from the distance; she turned towards the hysterical Haruka, her transformation dropped. Her hands were also covered in their blood, but she held them up to her face, sobbing uncontrolled racking tears of disbelief, horror, and shame that had flown into her heart the second she saw the helpless women's eyes.

The sirens were getting closer. They needed to get her out of there. Haruka couldn't have walked, nor even stood up in the emotional state she was in. She couldn't have moved because of the emotional shock that her overcome her body. Neptune stepped closer, whispered "forgive me" and punched Haruka hard enough to knock her unconscious. Haruka was larger than her, but with the increased strength that came with transforming she managed to lift her, and get on the roof of a building so they could get home as fast as possible. With the combined weight of her and Haruka, and her eyes blurred by her own tears, she was surprised that she made it back the apartment without anyone noticing. She wasn't exactly sure how she did it.

She pushed the bedroom door open with her foot, and it slammed against the wall. She sighed, laid Haruka down as gently as she could and detransformed. The ribbons went away from around her, and the extra energy keeping her going disappeared; she swayed in her exhaustion. But she knew she needed to clean Haruka up, and the bruise on her head was definitely going to need some ice. Logic mode.

She went into the bathroom, and Haruka moaned for Michiru in her unconsciousness.

" 'Ruka, I'm coming." She whispered. She washed her hands and face of the blood as quickly as she could, the metallic smell intensifying in the bathroom. Nausea engulfed her once more. She grabbed a soft sponge they kept for each other and a bowl of water and went to Haruka's side. She took Haruka's long fingers and began to wipe away the event. Get the blood off her hands, from under her fingernails. It needed off. Slowly she finished and went to the other. These hands were so beautiful, long and perfect. A musicians hands. Up the wrists. Then her face, wiping speckles of blood and tears away, but Michiru's tears kept falling on her face. That little girl was imprinted in her mind every time she blinked. Then her neckline. She looked as clean as she was going to get. She pulled off Haruka's shoes. Then grabbed a ice pack, placed it on her head gently and collapsed next to her pulling herself as closely to her as she could.

Michiru woke up first with a headache. She sat up and last nights events flashed in her head . She shook her head, and pulled her knees close to her for a second. She knew she needed to be strong for Haruka. She took a deep shakey breath then arose. She shed her garments from the day before she hadn't removed, grabbed her aqua robe and went out to do midmorning normal activities. As she made hot tea, she heard the shower start in the bathroom, Haruka must have woken.

She finished the tray for tea, and placed it on the kitchen counter. Haruka's small bowl of sugar next to her cup. She knocked on the bathroom door lightly. "Haruka?"

No answer.

"Haruka?" a little louder.

Still no answer.

"Haruka, I'm coming in there."

"No!" The voice sounded strained from crying. Michiru hestated, her hand resting on the silver doorknob, She backed away and let Haruka have her privacy.

The shower eventually stopped. Haruka came out in a robe, hair not bothered to be dried, it stuck to her head dripping water. Michiru looked at her, and took a deep breath to calm herself.

Her eyes were puffy from tears, but she had stopped crying. The light in her eyes was gone, she looked so distant, so lost, so alone, trapped in horror. Her entire self had transformed, she didn't carry herself the same, her body language was slow and numb. She walked over to her dresser and changed in silence, not looking at her once.

She had to break the silence, but she had nothing to say. "I made some tea." She said softly.

Haruka turned quickly, she was still buttoning up her shirt. She nodded. "Don't want any."

And walked out of the room and just stared out the window.

Days past.

Haruka hadn't left the apartment. She'd already missed a week of school, and Michiru was running out of excuses for the mysterious 'illness' that Haruka had received.

And there they were again, in the living room, playing out the same scene, Michiru asking Haruka to respond and there being no answer. She'd changed so much so fast. A least a little of her light was going back. Michiru had to admit, when she looked into her mirror, her own eyes were haunted, but every time she saw Haruka's eyes as she stared at something, and beyond it into nothingness... sorrow amplified in her heart. 

She had no idea what to do and on where to turn... she had to fight by herself and luckily she was fairing well. She has to deal with Haruka, and she knew no idea how.

That's where she was now, staring at the frail body (she hadn't been eating much at all) trying to decide if she should step forward and try to talk or leave her alone.

She took a step.

"Haruka?" She voiced ventured. Haruka hadn't spoken not had a single tear had fallen since she awaken that fateful morning, it seemed so long ago.

Another step. And then another.

Finally she was right beside the tall blond haired woman. Haruka hadn't moved in ten minutes, her body stiff, her eyes rarely even blinking.

"Haruka? Please answer me." "Haruka !"Her voice was becoming more desperate; with a plea...she needed to hear her voice. She needed to know that Haruka, the one she knew was still in there, still visible, still alive.

Haruka's face turned slowly towards her. The green eyes stared at her, the haunting green that stated that she had done something horriblably wrong and it was completely her fault. The unstettled eyes that stated she had seen and done too much for barely being 16. Michiru wanted to curl up and cry right then, but she held back the urge. She'd held back the urge alot lately. "Haruka, it wasn't your fault." That was all she could say, what else could she say?

Haruka spoke; her voice dry, because she hadn't used it. "I. killed. them." It was stated, slowly, factually, in almost a monotone manner that shocked Michiru to the core of her soul. It cried for her.

What could she say to that?

She had… it wasn't her fault... "It wasn't your fault... you couldn't see them."

"I should have seen them."

"You couldn't have..."

"I COULD HAVE!" Haruka's voice became high, and desperate as she turned completely to face Michiru, and her voice softened as her knees buckled "I should have," she fell into Michiru's arms sobbing. Michiru was bewildered. She just held her there rocking her like a small child. She whispered calming things into her ears until she fell asleep in Michiru's lap.

Three weeks past. Every once in awhile a bit of the Haruka she knew would appear for seconds, then vanish into the horrible memory that consumed her life. Michiru's mirror tugged at her, and she sat on the couch next to Haruka as she looked inside it.

Michiru stood up. "I've got to go fight."

"I'm coming with you." Michiru looked surprised; Haruka hadn't dared transformed sense the accident. Haruka had made up her mind it was time for her to fight again. It was nessasary for her to get revenge for what they had made her do. They made her hands so dirty. She'd go to any cost now, to kill them all, finish this so they could continue on with normal lives. Why did this have to happen to them? Haruka stood up, fixated on the dark blue pen gleaming in her hand. It radiated energy. Called her to fight. She knew the words; they were on the tip of her tongue, her mouth open slightly ready say them. Suddenly she was yanked back- the world shaking leaving her hands... and the panicked and shocked look of the women as she saw her own death approaching... This overwhelmed Haruka and her grip loosened on the pen and it fell to the floor with a small ting. Her eyes concentrated on her hand, still and unmoving.

"Haruka?"

She didn't answer for a moment her gaze unchanged. Slowly her head moved up and met Michiru's eyes. Her eyes were a green void. The same nothingness from the first night, the same emptiness that Michiru wanted to banish from her being. "I saw her..." Haruka's voice was below a whisper and it had a slow deliberate, and shocked stage to it. No emotion shown through.

Michiru was torn. She had to go fight... more people... The little girls eyes locking with her own, with a hopeful gaze on of complete trust as she muttered "Mommy?" came back to her.

Or, help Haruka and calm her down. Why was this left up to her?

She pulled her own pen out of her pocket. She had to go fight, save who she could. She headed towards the door. "I got to fight, I'll be back later."

"Wait."

She picked up the pin off the ground. She looked at Michiru, her face set and determined.

"I'm tired of sitting around, Michiru. I have to fight. I have to destroy them. Sacrifice anyone... as long as no one innocent dies. Only the ones that have to. Let's get this over with." They walked out the door to fight to victory.

Haruka was determined. She killed the monster as quickly as she could. She looked at the Heart crystal and she could see the speck of disappointment in her eyes that it wasn't the one. She hid it quickly with negativity about that this person "wasn't needed" and that everything "was a waste of time". Michiru knew, deep in her heart Haruka didn't mean that, and was just coping. But disappointment after disappointment made her different, took any life she'd seen in the girl and stomped it away like ashes in the wind. She became bent on sacrificing three to end the madness. So she could fly away. The end was better, the "greater good". Killing three more didn't matter. But it did. Michiru knew somewhere, it did.

And they're they were weeks later, having a conversation in the window seal that Haruka stared out of when she just needed to think. Michiru held the towel in her hand lightly looking at the women. The answering machine beeped.

"It was them, wasn't it?"

Haruka nodded, and sat down on the window seal as Michiru grabbed the fax out of the machine. Haruka mulled over sacrificing the three people. It had come down to this. She was almost grateful, it was almost over. She stared at her hands. She could still see specks of blood on them sometimes.

Michiru's head tilted as a concerned look melted into her eyes.

Her mind flashed back to when she laid there in their bed, and Haruka would curl up into a fetal position and mutter about how dirty her hands were... and that she could never get them clean. How the blood refused come off. She remembered watching her as she spend hours in the bathroom washing and rewashing her hands till they were raw, and Michiru had to pin her down to keep her from washing them more... and the pleading look Haruka would give begging Michiru with her eyes to let her wash her hands one more time, try to clense them just a little more, no matter the pain. She rememberedas she grabbed her wrists her partner's red raw palms open. She dared not touch them; she knew it would hurt Haruka. Then she shook her head no. A week later she would find the same thing. She remembered Haruka muttering once at school, that she shouldn't touch anything because her hands were to dirty, and she would shy away, glaring at anyone to tried to come near her.

Michiru took a step forward and placed Haruka's warm hand within her own. They melded together as lovers hands do. Haruka's green eyes widened in surprise as her mouth opened. Michiru gave a comforting smile as their eyes locked.

"Don't worry!" she said, "I like your hands."

PLEASE review!! Thanks! Even if it's a good, or bad, I like to know!


End file.
